Showing posts with label Personal. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Personal. Show all posts

Wednesday, 16 October 2019

I’m a joke: How a comedian *finally* told a story about me

Comedian Sean Collins at the comedy club in September 2019.
(He’s got nothing to do with this story.)
Scenes from an Italian Restaurant
I was in an Italian restaurant when a voice came through my radio. The place was dimly lit and the hum of conversation filled the warm air. I was stood behind the bar frantically attempting to book three separate tables, for three separate dates, with a bartender whose jittery fingers kept lurching to the wrong buttons on the booking app, only putting me more on edge.

“Liam, the MC is here,” the voice through my radio exclaimed.

In my now-standard fashion, I rapidly departed the Italian restaurant, swaying to avoid waitresses and the backs of customers’ chairs (not very well, admittedly) and power-walked across Villiers street and back Under The Arches. There was no particular hurry; there was still 30 minutes until the first comedian took to the stage, but I leapt down the stairs in the entrance of the comedy club, striding 3 steps at a time and then back up the stairs at the opposite side of the box office.

The funniest person in the Midlands
The MC that evening was a comic named James Cook. A radio DJ turned comedian, James won the Spike Milligan award for being the funniest person in the Midlands in 2003 and has since performed over 1000 gigs — some of which were at the 2019 Edinburgh Fringe.

The doors of the comedy club had just opened when I leapt up the stairs and into the comedy room. Only six customers had entered so far and at the bar next to the DJ booth stood a large white man with long grey hair — the stereotypical look of a stand-up comedian.

I got to him just as he was about to buy a couple of pints.

“Are you James?” I interrupted the transaction.

“Yes” exclaimed the MC with a smile.

“Don’t worry, I’ll get these”, I replied whilst handing the bartender a couple of drinks voucher. (It’s the least you can do to treat your comedians to a free pint or two).

I introduced myself to him, explained it was a sold out show so should be a goodun, and told him: “If you need anything else, just give us a shout.”

James and me then went our separate ways… bizarrely.

As I retreated to the DJ booth, James headed for the front row where a lady was sat waiting for him. As I watched him approach the seats, I muttered ‘fuck’ (rather to the confusion of the sound engineer) as it clicked that I’d just bought a random customer, who had coincidentally happened to be also called James, a couple of drinks; making a right old tit of myself.

“Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome to the stage…”
An hour later, the actual MC is on stage after the first interval (it turned out he’d gone straight to the loo after entering the club and swerved me completely). He interacts with a bloke sat on the front row.

“Hello mate, what’s your name?”

“James.”

“That’s a coincidence, my name is James too. Funnily enough, I’ve just been told a story about you…”



Denouncement
Tragically, I told this story to a colleague who pointed out that the middle aged bloke at the bar probably thought I was just flirting with him (after all, we were in Heaven). My radio and staff ID card were well hidden under my shirt and my ear piece wasn’t in yet. What this stranger saw was a twenty-something year old approach him at the bar, buy him a couple of drinks and say, “If you need anything else, just give us a shout.” The situation could have only been more suggestive if I’d winked at him and slapped his arse as I walked away.


This was originally published on Medium. Read here.

Friday, 8 June 2018

Two Years in London

Do you remember the snow in March? That was good.
They say time flies when you’re having fun - but it feels like the second year hasn’t even started yet. Due to a combination of lecturer strikes that consumed all of my uni contact hours in March, my measly three exams which we got two months off to revise for, some extremely poor lecturing, and a two day week in uni because of the way the timetable worked out, the amount of effort I’ve been required to put into my course has been minimal. That’s not to say I haven’t been busy though.

I moved back to London in early September, spent a wonderful two weeks in Stratford, moved to Bow in mid-September and began working non-stop until the middle of April. I’ve had a wonderful time this year jumping from meetings with university management, to talks from HuffPost editors; shooting and editing a news show over the course of a day, spending endless hours on the phone with Robyn, and enduring the necessary torture that is patronisingly dull child-safeguard training for a Scout group - and all that was just a random Tuesday last February. In 1986, a great man once said, "Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it."

Looking like an ostentatious arsehole: presenting the
first episode of The Print's Mile End in a Minute
The Print
I can’t talk about my second year at uni without talking about the newspaper. Despite finding some moments extremely difficult, I loved every second of being editor. I loved the variety of writing I read, the stories I heard, and the people I met. I'm honestly going to miss editing and I just hope I did people proud.

I love London as much as I hate London
For every positive, there is a negative. London hosts a level of blatant rudeness you’d find nowhere else in the world. Were you in this queue? I don’t think so, matey. On the flip side, this does mean that random acts of kindness go a long way. It’s a city where too many people take themselves too seriously, however it is one of the best places to express your eccentricities. The air quality is noticeably awful in areas, however people all around London try to save the planet and conserve fossil fuels by not using their car indicators. I love those people. They’re the best.

The Flat
As with London, I’ve had a love hate relationship with my flat. It’s fantastic because it’s a 10 minute walk from Queen Mary, and a 2 minute walk from the Slammersmith and Pity (what us locals call it) and the Docklands Light Railway. However, the laminate floorboards in my bedroom have a carpet of hair that doesn’t belong to me; and despite cleaning the floor almost fortnightly, it’s not going away. Also, the hot and cold taps in the bathroom being the wrong way round to what they should be bugs the hell out of me, the ice cream van that plays the ‘Match of the Day' theme tune outside at 10 to 6 every day drives me up the wall, and the fact I only met my next door neighbours when I ran into them in the stairwell and they accused me of having friends round who nicked the front tyre of their bike doesn’t make for the warmest of neighbourhoods. Jokes on them, I never have friends round.

Profound Conclusion
If there’s one thing I’ve learnt from this year, it's to be difficult (but for the right reasons, of course). I remember talking to a friend at the end of March about the feeling of being sick of arguing with people, but looking back, I’m pleased I picked the fights I did. Hopefully some of them have resulted in making some people’s bittersweet relationships with London a smidgen more sweet at times, whether they’re colleagues, students, or friends.

Sunday, 13 May 2018

Interview with Queen Mary's Principal for The Print

Last month, I interviewed President and Principal of Queen Mary Colin Bailey for The Print. We discussed the higher education sector, student safety in London, his vision for Queen Mary and much more. Listen below or on iTunes. Alternative, search 'The Print Podcast' wherever you get your podcasts.

Questions were by myself and Sophie Mitchell, with additional help from Queen Mary students who submitted questions via our web form.

Apologies for the poor sound quality at times; the interview its self was recorded using my phone's microphone.

I'd love to hear your feedback and suggestions for future guests who would make good interviews (preferably people who do something that is of interest to students). So, feel free to Tweet at me. In the meantime, happy listening.


Sunday, 1 April 2018

I'm going to miss being 19

“You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.” - Ogden Nash

Today is my last day being a teenager.

I spent today how I’ve spent a lot of April Fool’s Days… camping. Even on the eve of becoming a teenager I was camping.

There in one story in particular about the eve of my 13th birthday (well, technically my 13th birthday itself) that gets recited to me every Easter year-upon-year. Picture this: It’s night-time, a 12 year-old Liam Pape has been in bed for a few hours and wakes up in his sleep at one of his first Scout camps, crying and yowling because he wants to go home and spend his birthday with his family.

Ben, one of the older boys at the end of the tent, tells me to be quiet. Harry, one of the more considerate boys at the other end of the tent takes me to a leader instead. On waking the leader, I explained that I wanted him to call my mam so she could come and pick me up. The leader, Mark, instead gives me another blanket and tells me it’s 3am so he’s not calling anybody. I go back to my tent and eventually fall asleep. Unknowing that I wouldn’t live that down for the next six years.


Once of the best things I heard about being a teenager came from my secondary school history teacher. In 2013, I’d been invited to a peers event at the House of Commons as part of an anti-tobacco industry campaign I was part of at the time. He came with me as a chaperone and on the train down to London he said to me, “Don’t be afraid to look stupid today. You can get away with it. You’re a teenager.”

Me, looking smug about being a naïve, juvenile teenager
Even though, I’ve come to learnt that most people look stupid well into their old age nowadays, I’m sure I will look back at these teenage years with nostalgia that I will no longer be able to laugh off idiocy as “well I’m just a teenager.”

The main thing I’m going to miss about being a teenager isn’t any of the perks that come with these magical years (if there any any perks at all that is - spots, puberty, and PE lessons don’t sound that great to me). Rather, the actuality of being able to say that I’m a teenager. I still very much associate being 19 with adolescence. At the end of the day, it’s still the decade of your life when you went to Primary School and Secondary School. But being 20, nah son, that’s a whole other kettle of fish. Being the big two zero means that you're in the decade of your life where most people start a career, buy a house, and have kids. Being 20 is adulthood.

It’s not the expectations that bother me though, it’s the whole notion of adulthood associated with being 20.

Some of the best pleasures I’ve had in the last year or two, especially in London, have been the expressions of people who thought that I was way older than 19. Their surprise when I proudly declare that I’m only 19 is fantastic!

I fondly remember a conversation with a colleague at work last year. She was 35 years old and had recently came out of a long-term relationship but was looking to get back onto the dating scene. She asked me if I had any single friends I could set her up with. “Pah! I’m 18. Basically all my friends are single!” I chortled. She laughed it off, said that she thought I was in my early 30s and then declared that she was old enough to be my mother.

By far my favourite ‘being 19’ story happened this February. I was in a club and a woman (who I later found out was 24) asked me for my Instagram username - I can only assume this is the 2018 way of asking for someones number? She followed me and I followed back as she was very pretty.

Marin and Kyle went ballistic when I told them I had no plans to slide into her DMs though because I felt like a catfish. “What the fuck do you mean? She’s seen you in person though?” they said to me. However, the poor woman definitely thought I was far older than I was though.

Imagine if we went on a date and she says, "I’m a part-time model and work for an auctioneers. What do you do for a living, Liam?" and I then need to explain that I’m a student so I spend most of my time dossing around in my flat and watching David Dobrik videos on YouTube. Then what happens when the bill comes? I gently need to nudge it over to her side of the table with a pitiful expression as I explain, “student loan, sorry luv.”


Since their 20s were the decade that my parents got married and had me, I’ve decided to set a goal to spend my 20s trying to find ‘the one’ and seeing if I can unearth my true callling in life.


I’m shitting you.


I’ll probably just continue to overwork myself until an early grave.

Friday, 11 August 2017

Pickering Hike (Summer Camp 2017)

A condensed version of this report was originally published in issue 15 of 8th Mag.

After the arrival of the Hewinses on late Tuesday morning, the Rover quartet left camp for their day of hiking. The circular hike, planned by Liam, was supposed to be approximately 12 miles in distance and take up most of the day.

The Rover squad began in high spirits as they walked westerly towards Newbridge, through the quarry, along the road, and onto a footpath which led straight up to Cawthorn Roman Camp. Unfortunately, they mistook a worn track at the side of a field of wheat as the public footpath. The one they wanted was actually running parallel to them, just through a line of trees. The Rovers came up with a cunning plan of climbing over a fence and cutting through the trees to get themselves back on course - however it was far easier said than done.

Harry battered through nettles, thorns, and deer to lead the bunch through what turned out to be a small wood rather than a thin line of trees. With only minor grazes and stings, they were soon back on the right route.

On arrival at Cawthorn Roman Camp, Liam consulted the map and found a viewpoint where he suggested they have lunch. Finding this viewpoint proved difficult though. The paths at the Roman Camp were not traced on maps so Liam told the group to just bear right whenever they came to a crossroads. Those of you who are good at angles will know, if you take four right turnings, you end up exactly where you started. So, about 20 minutes after leaving the car park at the Roman Camp, the Rovers had accidentally returned to the car park at the Roman Camp, even more hungry the second time around.

It was at this point where the other Rovers insisted on checking a map and having lunch next to the actual Roman Camp remains (a two-minute walk from the car park).

For lunch, they devoured a whole apple pie and a can of squirty cream, amongst other things.

Newton upon Derwent would be their next stop however it was a long and boring three-mile walk along roads to get there. Liam walked slightly ahead so he was out of earshot of the death threats the other Rovers were mumbling at him by this point.

Exhausted a sweaty, the Rovers arrived one by one in Newton upon Derwent. All they wanted now was to enjoy a cool and refreshing Diet Coke in a local Public House. Sadly, the only establishment in the village did not open on a Tuesday so they instead sat outside and caught their breath there.

A gentleman in Newton approached the Rovers and struck up conversation with them about their route. Liam explained to the bloke that they were heading for Levisham. The geezer correctly guessed that the Rovers would be tempted to head straight down the valley; he warned against this as the path would be extremely steep, dangerously slippery, take them through a field of angry bulls, and there was no guarantee that they would be able to directly cross the beck at the bottom. The wise old man instead advised them to retrace their steps back up to the north end of Newton upon Derwent and follow the winding road that would eventually take them to the train line crossing at the bottom of the valley. He showed them on the map that it meant adding another half a mile onto their route but the descent down the valley would be far safer.

Once the Dumbledore of Derwent walked away, the Rovers said bollocks to him and set off down the steep but direct path. A decision they would come to regret...

The pathway was almost vertical in some parts causing James and Ben, especially, to skid and slide. At the bottom, Harry did manage to find a beck crossing he thought would be appropriate however it required balancing on a dubious looking branch. Liam went first. He placed one foot on the branch and kept the other foot firmly on the field, slowly putting pressure on the branch to see how much it could take. He spent five minutes in this dance with the branch before deciding to just risk it.

SNAP! The branch, unsurprisingly, was dead and Liam's leg went groin-deep into the water. The bed of the river was not even what stopped him from going in deeper, it was that his other leg snagged on the tree. That's what he gets for listening to Harry.

In hysterics at Liam’s wetness, the Rovers plodded along the side of the bull field towards the actual crossing, looking to see if there was anywhere else they could cut across to reduce their route. After going through swampy areas where the mud was coming over the sides of their boots, they eventually found a stronger tree to climb along and over the beck. Only problem here was, the other side of the beck was somebody's back garden; so, they hotfooted it towards the railway crossing.

The assent from Levisham station to the village of Levisham was far nicer than the descent from Newton upon Derwent. Although steep, the footpath was in good condition, and the views became increasingly breath-taking the more they climbed.

Once in Levisham, they stopped at The Horseshoe Inn for a Diet Coke or three. It was at this point where the Rovers were seriously considering ending their hike. They inquired with the bartender about local buses and numbers for taxi services. But eventually, they reluctantly decided that they might as well finish the route on foot. Liam promised them it would be a flat walk back to camp (spoiler alert: it wasn't). At exactly 17:25 they headed south out of Levisham and along the river back towards camp.

The last leg of the hike was familiar to Ben and Harry as it was along the same pathways they had trekked for their Senior overnight hike some five years prior.

In the end, the Rovers ended up walking 15.3 miles. And despite all the walking, they still had the energy to cram a large cod and chips into their gobs for tea. All in all, despite their feet looking like that Nazi whose face melted off in Raiders of the Lost Ark by the time they got back to camp, Ben declared it a "bloody good day and one of the best walks I’ve been on for a while."


Sunday, 11 June 2017

Nine months in London

I’ve been living in London for around nine months now. During that time, I have been to some wonderful places, met some awesome individuals, experienced things you simply can’t anywhere else in the world, and learnt some important lessons. So, what follows is a brief rambling on my time in the big smoke.
The view from the Sky Garden at 20 Fenchurch Street

Portobello Road
Exploring
London is amazing. From the dozens of weekly markets to the scores of museums and galleries, I never seem to run out of things to do. They say that the best way to explore a city is by foot - and that is very true. On a weeknight you can usually find me getting lost in the Hackney Marshes, along the Regent's Canal, down in Canary Wharf, in the narrow and windy streets of the City of London, or in any other direction from Mile End. Walking provides a fuller understanding of London. I have discovered that I can walk to Kings Cross station in just under a hour, Westminster in just over an hour, and going north along the River Lea is probably the best place to go if you want to see scenery which mildly resembles the countryside. That being said, it has also been useful living next to a well-connected tube station.

Comedy
It turns out, I like laughing. London is a great place for live comedy - and entertainment in general. They have loads of comedy clubs which I frequent - as well as work at. The Comedy Store in Soho is by far the best and if you’re ever in London, I’d highly recommend any of their nights because they’re all top notch.

Most TV shows with a live studio audience are filmed in London. They make a fun night out and they’re free! I’ve been to the recordings of Alan Carr, Have I Got News For You, and No Such Thing As The News.

London also has one of the most iconic theatre scenes in the world. Admittedly, I have not seen a single West End play or musical since moving to London however I have seen a couple of fringe performances (‘Andrew Hunter Murray: Round One’ was fantastic).

Safety
Since moving to London, there has been a couple of terrorist attacks. The second of which at London bridge, only a few days ago, I was reasonably close to. A friend and I were walking under the Millennium bridge when a group of police cars whirred past and a Guardian news alert popped up on our phones informing us on an “incident” on London bridge which we could see in front of us. Unalarmed by this, still unsure what was actually going on, we caught the tube at the next station.
Trafalgar Square

So, do I feel safe in London? Yeah, I do actually. Terrorism is a threat but it’s not something that’s going to make me reconsider going out. In terms of general safety, I feel safer in London than I do in Darlington. Even in the early hours of the morning, London’s streets are bustling with night owls so I never feel on edge when walking alone. Up north, the streets can be eerily quiet.

Student Stuff
In terms of student lifestyle, I think London has a club or two - don’t know for sure (not going to lie, I have not been to any). I have however been to flat parties which didn’t live up to expectations either. This might be down to the fact that student accommodation in London tends to be the size of a large cardboard box. So, it can get rather cramped at times. More likely down to the company though.

I’ve met some amazing people in London from many backgrounds. I’ve never been short of fascinating folk and intriguing thinkers with enviable drive. That being said, there are lots of painfully dull and pitifully stupid students as well.
Looking East: Mile End

Things I've learnt about myself:

I'm not going to lie, I know myself pretty well. University has not caused me to have any eye-opening epiphany moments which have posed as a catalyst to a spiral of self-discovery. Instead, here are two things that people have pointed out to me.
  1. People think I’m older than I am.
    I’ve met a couple of people who genuinely assumed that I was in my mid-30s. Even people at the University never guess I’m a first year (unless they’re in my class, of course). I like to this this is down to my mature attitude, professionalism, and bank of dad jokes I have stored in by head. However, it’s more likely down to the slowly greying hair, the ever-darkening bags under my eyes, and the bloated beer belly I saddle around proudly. (FYI I drank and rated over 40 different beers in 2016 - and I only turned 18 last April. Time well spent.)


  2. Darlington has its own accent - or is it just me?
    People are just as bad at trying to guess my hometown as they are my age. I don’t ask people to try and guess where I’m from, most just take it upon themselves to ask me if I’m from Yorkshire, “above Newcastle”, or - as one person guessed - Scotland. This has led me to believe that Darlington has its own unique sound. 

Read more >>> Six weeks in London

Tuesday, 31 January 2017

My Six Favourite Podcasts

A person, probably a woman, talking and smiling into
a generic microphone. Little does she know that she is
the cover image for a post on my blog
I don’t listen to much music but I spend a lot of time on public transport and walking around in London. What a predicament! So, instead of listening to traffic or attempting to make conversation with strangers on the tube, I opt to listen to some of the many podcasts that I’m subscribed to. Here are my six favourites. 

(Note: From my choices, I think it will become quite clear what my interests are)


Commons People
This is The Huffington Post’s weekly politics podcast. It is light-hearted, fun, and the presenters are humorous but knowledgeable. Every episode, after discussion of the top news stories, there is a quiz about a topic that has been relevant in the past week. My favourites quizzes from previous episodes are: ‘Grammar or Bog-standard’, where the journalists needed to try and guess whether said politicians attended grammar, state, or private schools. And the ‘Morgan or Less Than’ quiz, where the journalists (with the help of Heidi Allen MP) needed to guess whether said politicians had attended more or less fringe events than Nicky Morgan at the Conservative Party conference… (Now I write this, I realise just how nerdy it sounds)



Page 94: The Private Eye Podcast
This witty podcast hosted by QI elf and Private Eye writer Andrew Hunter Murray is my favourite podcast. Each episode features discussions on politics, investigative journalism, or Private Eye culture to produce a truly fascinating listen. Highlights, for me, include the special episode commemorating Ian Hislop’s 30 years as editor, the episode about the Panama Papers, and the episode on revolving doors in politics. Wry humour and perspicacious politics journalism are a winning combination.

The Weeds
The Weeds is a Vox.com podcast hosted by journalists Ezra Klein, Sarah Kliff, and Matthew Yglesias. In each episode, they dive deep into US policy and politics. The episodes are very thorough and are great if you're interested in more niche US political news.

Coffee House Shots
One of The Spectator’s many podcasts is this short, irregularly occurring one called ‘Coffee House Shots’. Compared to the rest, this is a relatively short podcast yet it manages to summarise and offer analysis on important political events that have happened lately. In recent episodes, Isabel Hardman and co have discussed the UK Supreme Court’s Brexit ruling, Theresa May’s ‘shared society’ speech, and the battle for press freedom. 



Chips with everything
Chips with everything is a technology podcast from The Guardian. It includes the kind of high quality content you would expect from The Guardian. Notable discussions from recent episodes include an interview with the former deputy social media director for the Hillary Clinton campaign and a feature on how the Y2K bug came about. I’d recommend this podcast for anyone who has even a vague interest in technology or technology culture as they cover a wide range of topics. 



Sound Show
Sound Show is a podcast birthed from Joshua Topolsky’s new culture news website ‘The Outline’. This podcast, hosted by sound director John Lagomarsino, is a joy to listen to. Enthralling content and unbeatable sound quality go hand in hand to make this podcast a pleasure for my ears. Just take a listen for yourself:




All podcasts mentioned, plus thousands more, can be found on the Apple Podcasts app and other popular podcast services.

Wednesday, 2 November 2016

Six weeks in London

I have lived in London for approximately six weeks now and I love it.



Coming from a town with a population of about 100,000 to a city of 7 million didn’t scare me. I was looking forward to being just another face in the crowd. I’m far from popular but whenever I walked through high row in Darlington there was the inevitability that I’d run into someone who I knew so I was looking forward to being amongst complete strangers. 

Also, as far as cities go, I think London is quite town like. There aren’t an overwhelming number of skyscrapers like what you see in New York or Tokyo. And although there are large buildings, they are the size of what you would expect to see in any town centre.

Here are my other main observations from living in London:

Eye eye: the London Eye
Transport
The Tube is one of the best things about London. No matter how far I run/walk, Tube stations are never more than 10 minutes away so I can always get home easily. Also, the TFL staff are excellent. They are approachable, friendly, helpful, and have a good sense of humour.

Therefore, Londoners my age don’t drive. In Darlington, most my friends at least start lessons once they turn 17 but all the Londoners my age I’ve spoken to have no desire to learn (at this moment in time anyway). Public transport is so good, they have no need to drive.

The cost of living
Rent charges are a joke. I am fortunate enough to live on a university campus (the only university campus in London) and even the accommodation price here is as bad as everyone makes out. I have a bathroom, kitchen and dining area that I share with another five people, no lounge area, and a decent sized bedroom. But, for the same amount of money anywhere else outside of London I’d have a much larger bedroom, a shared lounge area, and an en suite.

I have deeper concerns about next year when I am kicked out of the university accommodation and need to find private accommodation which I know will not be as good value for money as where I am living now.

Me: out of my depth at
London Fashion Weekend
Stuff to do
Even though my room isn’t as big as the rooms of my friends who live on campuses outside of London, the amount of time I spend in there is minimal. There are hundreds of parks in London, scores of sites to see, dozens of free galleries and museums, as well as daily one off events such as London Fashion Week, the Chocolate Show, and various craft markets. No plans for the weekend? I just need to open an app such as Doji, Hype, or Fever and they suggest tons of things for me to do.

Despite the fact I live in London, I would still very much consider myself a tourist - it’s hard not to be.

Unsociable
Londoners (and southerners in general) are stereotyped as being unsociable sorts who keep to themselves but I’ve found people are just as friendly here as anywhere else in the country.

Last month, I walked six miles to Camden town and was leaning against a wall as I caught my breath when a guy in his late 20s noticed that I’d been stood in the same spot for about 10 minutes. He approached me and cheerily exclaimed “I’m sorry mate, I don’t think she is coming” before ardently walking off again. This is the sort of random banter I thought was exclusive to the north.

Furthermore, when I was in the cinema earlier this week, the stranger sat next to me struck up a conversation about the ridiculous number of trailers that are shown before the film.

So, from my experience, Londoners are lovely.



I am looking forward to the next three years living in London. I hope in that time I can find reasonably priced accommodation and get a part-time job to help cover the costs of the vast amount of dark chocolate and Innocent smoothies I survive off. For today though, I’m just loving the fact that I can wake up on a morning and run along miles of canals without the fear of ever running out of city, being able to record a video of myself doing press-ups without others even battering an eyelid (because London is full of strange people doing odd things every day), and then being able to sit in lectures and be constantly reminded by the rumble of the Central line in the distance that I am in - what many consider to be - the best city in the world.


I, Daniel Blake



I heard about this movie only a week ago. Friends on Twitter were posting links to the trailer with captions along the lines of: “Who is going to take Theresa May to see this then?” My lecturer had also made a couple of references to it in his seminar, highly recommending it.

The premise of the film appears simple: a bloke in Newcastle has suffered a heart attack and is looking to seek the appropriate benefits from the Jobcentre since he can't work— but is denied the allowances he needs.

Before I booked tickets for the film, I typed it into Google and found a clip of the BBC’s Mark Kermode talk about the film with a rare positive passion he reserves only for remarkable pictures. I also discovered the plethora of awards it had received/been nominated for over summer.



The cinema was packed. I sat between a father who had come with his son and a women who obnoxiously ate fruit continuously throughout the entire film. After an age of adverts, the film began.

Every now and again the screen would erupt in laughter however it was too real for me to find amusing. There was a moment where the hypocrisy of the bureaucratic benefits appeal system is so ludicrous, many found the irony entertaining. However the fact that it was a truth being exposed removed all sense of humour for me.

I felt the same about the scene where Daniel Blake is using a computer for the first time and he literally runs the mouse up the monitor. Where others in the cinema found humour, I was struck by how the difficult the system makes it for people born in an older generation but who are in need.

I, Daniel Blake is a masterpiece entrenched in the dejecting truth of the failures in the welfare system. It has a geniality to it though. Daniel Blake is a warm, optimistic, funny character (which may be down to Dave Johns’ background in stand-up comedy).

I’d recommend everyone to watch this film — not for the entertainment value but rather to be enlightened about what some people, out of no fault of their own, need to suffer because of flaws in the state.

Friday, 8 July 2016

iOS 10: Lockscreen and Notifications

Today the iOS 10 Public Beta was released and I downloaded it in hope that it would bring a plethora of changes, small and large, which streamlined and improved the iOS experience. The update, although still a beta, is very stable and resembles iOS 9 in almost every way conceivable apart from the lockscreen and notifications.

Notifications are now large. Apple calls them “rich” however they just take up lots of space now which is inconvenient if you have lots of notifications to rifle though. The size of these large bubbles also means that you can’t see as many of them on your screen at once. This is more of a step backwards in innovation than a step forwards.

The widgets tab (accessible when you pull down from the top of the screen) used to be sleek and modern however in iOS 10, widgets looks like notifications and, like notifications, are inconveniently large. The widgets tab is now also accessible if you swipe to the far left on your homescreen or lockscreen - there is no escaping it! Widgets and notifications have become ugly hindrances rather than helpful in most cases.

On the lock screen, you can now interact with the huge notifications in a more dynamic way, access the widgets panel (as mentioned above), and access your camera by sliding right. Apple has ditched its iconic ‘slide to unlock’ method and replaced it with ‘press home to unlock’. This uses Touch ID to unlock your phone. Failing that, you are then presented with the passcode screen. It does seem like a security improvement as there are no longer multiple options for unlocking your phone and you are forced to use Touch ID first.

Also in iOS 10 are the addition of apps such as ‘Home’ and the ability to remove first party apps but these aren’t features that will be used by the average user. I will also admit that iMessage has been vastly improved however I don’t use iMessage so those new features will just get in the way when I need to text somebody.

And that, basically, is all that iOS 10 is. It’s a little disappointing that Apple seems to have ran out of ideas for the 10th version of its mobile operating system. They’ve changed notifications and widgets for the worse and the lock screen is different but probably just as productive as the old lock screen.






Wednesday, 22 June 2016

8th Darlington Scouts' Garden Fete: an explainer video


A brief video explaining the 8th Darlington Scouts' annual Garden Fete on Cockerton Green.

100 Years with the 8th: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L5FC1...

Credits: Edited by Liam Pape, maps by National Library of Scotland, Music by Guy Garvey (Harder Edges) & Dick Walter (Confidence Link 1), with thanks to Robert, Daniel, Ken, and Neil

Sunday, 15 May 2016

Making '100 Years with the 8th'



After the success of ‘The Camp’ (the Senior produced documentary about summer camp 2014), I wanted to set myself and the Seniors a bigger film project so in January 2015 we started working on ‘100 Years with the 8th’; another documentary film shot over the course of one year which captures what the Group does.

Planning was fairly easy. We knew that the combination of filmed events overlaid with interviews, and a tear jerking, slow music montage at the end, worked (as that is what we did in ‘The Camp). That basic vision offered a perfect foundation for the film which could easily be built upon.

By April, that skeleton had expanded to include scripted interviews. These were sometimes for comic effect but sometimes simply so information could be given in a concise but natural way. By November, we had written and shot a fictional prologue set in the year 2082 which included spaceships, walking sticks, and dodgy moustaches. And by December, the voice overs for the fast-paced 100-year history section had been recorded.

Making the film feel smooth and not sporadic was an initial challenge. There were over twenty 8th events which were covered in the film and ensuring that there was some sort of continuity throughout was something identified early on. We didn’t want the movie to seem like 20 separate short films stitched together so I did two things:

The timeline

  • In January, I made a hybrid linear/modular timeline. This meant telling the story of the centenary year in chronological order (from January to December) but making chapters for each section (for example the Cub sports day, laser wars, and Jay’s animals are in the same chapter although they happened months apart).
  • I conducted most of the interviews at the end of the year so even when footage of different events is shown, the interviews have some continuity as the interviewees are sat in the same location with the same people.


Recording the plethora of events and activities that the 8th Darlington Scouts were doing to celebrate their centenary year, as well as their usual programme, was easier than you’d expect. It entailed just shooting random things on our smartphones, point-and-shoots, or the camcorders that the group purchased during the summer and praying that we can edit them together later in some orderly fashion. In the twenty-first century, it would appear, equipment is not an issue.

The storyboard for the opening scene
When I first pitched the opening scene set in 2082 to the leaders they were somewhat sceptical. I envisioned an 84-year-old member of the group returning to the Den to reminisce and finding the 2015 log book. He opens the book and what he reads is illustrated in the footage from 2015 making the actual film some kind of prolonged dream-sequence of what he is reading in the book. In November 2015, a basic storyboard was sketched, spaceships were generated over the den using an 89p movie effects app, and the 84-year-old man was created by giving Maverick a pound-shop moustache and a walking stick. Seeing the surreal opening sequence, rather than just hearing a pitch for it, convinced the leaders that it was appropriate for the film and we were allowed to keep it in.

Editing at the Den
Editing some 40GB worth of raw footage was a five-month task which began in December 2015. It was a gruelling job which was frustrating at times for example when someone had said something dynamite in an interview but was being shouted over by someone else rendering the footage unusable. Nevertheless, the editing was a joy. Most of the editing happened at home with the exception of three days that happened at the Den. The days at the Den were also when the voice overs were recorded. This sometimes meant listening to Poppy and Maddie attempting to pronounce unexpected tongue twisters such as ‘at Oxford’ and ‘Harrison’s laundry’ dozens of times until they got it right. Despite the slow progress at times, it was good fun.

The pre-premier was in April 2016, this was an opportunity for me to show some leaders and the Seniors a first draft of the movie to get their feedback before the final cut. Unsurprisingly, they asked me to remove lots of swearing, some inappropriate bits, and some scenes which dragged on too long. Though, on the whole, they seemed to like it.

The actual premier was on May 4th at the Scout HQ. Over 50 people turned out to watch the 43-minute-long movie which was projected onto the wall behind the stage. One day later it was released on YouTube and it has thankfully met a warm reception. Since the release, viewers have called it ‘fantastic’, ‘excellent’, and said ‘It really shows what a great Scout Group the 8th is, always has been and hopefully always will be.’







Sunday, 15 November 2015

Lessons from Auschwitz

If you look into Auschwitz-Birkenau from the top of the watchtower above the entrance, the only things you can see are huts. Unlike the ones in Auschwitz I, which were used by the Polish army before World War Two, these huts were built by the Nazis with a specific purpose in mind: to hold Jews, gypsies, homosexuals, soviet prisoners of war, and political opponents.

If your eyes follow the railway tracks west through the centre of the camp, and past the rubble remains of the six crematoria, there is a lining of Birch trees (which is where the name Birkenau originates). It is within this large area, surrounded by 13 foot electrified barbed wire fences and partly-hidden by birch trees, where over 1.1 million people died during the holocaust.



On 22 October 2015, I, along with around 200 other students from the North of England, had the opportunity to visit Auschwitz via a project ran by the Holocaust Memorial Trust. A week before the visit, all attendees were invited to a seminar in Newcastle to listen to the testimony of Zigi Shipper, a Polish Jew and holocaust survivor.

Zigi spoke for an encapsulating hour about his life. Starting from when his father left for Soviet Russia when he was just a boy, all the way through to 1947 when he moved to England, met his wife, and started a family.

In 1944, following the liquidation of the Łódz ghetto where both Zigi and his grandmother lived, they found themselves on a cattle truck to Auschwitz. He said when he arrived the first thing he noticed was the terrible smell and smoke rising from chimneys. There were rumours that it was coming from a crematorium however he was still too young to even know what that word meant.

Within a few weeks, Zigi left Auschwitz to work in a series of concentration camps until 3 May 1945 when he was liberated from his German captors by the British army.

He lived in Germany for a while after the war until 1947 when he was reunited with his mother who was living in London. However, Zigi explained that she didn’t feel like family because he hadn’t seen her since he was four-years-old. His real family were his friends - who he had endured the holocaust with. To this day, he manages to stay in touch with these friends. They travel to Canada, the USA, and France among other places to see each other.

After Zigi’s touching testimony, there was then a chance for fellow peers to ask Zigi questions about his experiences. One person drew comparisons between the current refugee crisis and the large amount of refugees after the Second World War who needed to be relocated. She asked if Zigi thinks the attitude to refugees had changed since then. Zigi replied by saying that he thinks that people are just as compassionate now.

All the way through the question and answer session, Zigi stressed that race, religion, and sexuality are irrelevant. As long as you are a good person, that is all that matters.



The following week, on 22 October 2015, we took a 7am flight from Newcastle to Kraków followed by a bus to Oświęcim (where Auschwitz I is).

I imagined Auschwitz to be in some dark corner of the countryside hidden by tall trees with one road in and out because I assumed that if too many people found out about the place and what was going on there, something would have been done to close it down. Instead, the camp existed on the edge of a suburb, metres away from regular civilian life and nobody did anything… Hell, Rudolf Höss’ house was only a few feet outside the fence – where he lived with his wife and five children.

Rudolf Höss was the commandant of Auschwitz
Unfortunately due to plane delays of just over an hour, the organisers had to keep a tight schedule so we were hurried around the museum which now occupies the interior of the barracks at Auschwitz I. Because of timings, I felt unable to digest all the information that I would have lied to. Auschwitz is not a place that you should rush round. In homage to all the people who were once forced to live and die there, I was disappointed not to have had more time to read every testimony, watch every video, and study every map to gain more of an insight into true life at Auschwitz.

It’s easy to hear that over 1.1 million people died at Auschwitz, however to comprehend that number is near impossible. In Auschwitz I though, there are large rooms full of suitcases, glasses, prosthetics, and shoes to try and humanise the holocaust statistics and make you realise that each victim had family, friends, dreams, and ambitions just like you and I. The one room which shocked me the most was the one full of hair. Behind a large glass pane was hair from approximately 140,000 people. Hair is used in the current day as a form of expression and identity, and learning that millions of people had this robbed from them, against their will, was chilling.

It was by this point when I was starting to feel uncomfortable with where I was as I wasn’t quite sure what behaviour to adopt because I wasn’t sure (and I’m still not sure) what Auschwitz is today. Is it a museum, memorial, tourist attraction, or a combination of all three? Many, like myself, had come to explore the museum and learn more about the atrocities which took place. Others were lighting candles and placing wreaths next to the notorious “Wall of Death” between block 10 and 11. And, others were walking around with selfie sticks, snapping shots in front of barracks whilst they smiled with their friends. It seems like a juxtaposition that Auschwitz could be all three of these at once. For me, a place where tourists go to take souvenir pictures for Facebook couldn’t also be a memorial where people pay respects. A museum, which goes into the intricate details of what happened at Auschwitz, seems insensitive since many were using the same place as a memorial for their lost grandparents/great-grandparents. It left me in awe that Auschwitz seemed to have these three purposes: memorial, museum, and tourist attraction.

However, at the same time, it needs to be all three of these things. People need to be aware of what happened in Auschwitz and to never forget. Visiting the place helps you to learn more than you ever could from a book. Whatever people’s justification for visiting the site, if they learn just one thing from the visit and pass that on to a friend, surely it has made the visit worthwhile? It’s important that the victims are being remembered and to continue to raise awareness about the dangers of being a stander by – which is the theme of 2016’s Holocaust Memorial Day.



The “Wall of Death”
After our visit to Auschwitz I, we headed to Auschwitz-Birkenau. This was the place where people would arrive in overcrowded cattle trucks before being lined up for their fate to be decided by an SS officer. In one swift glance, the officer would decide whether they would be fit enough to work or if they should be sent straight to the gas chambers for execution.

After going up watchtower which looms over the entrance, we were shown two huts: one where men were put and one where children were put. The children’s hut was dark however writing and drawings on the walls could still be seen. The platforms for sleeping resembled large shelves. We were told that three children would be forced to occupy one. Words don't even begin to describe the living conditions children must have faced… but they carried on regardless because they had no other option.

At the other side of the camp was where men lived. The hut which we went inside had little light and the interior had been stripped. Only wooden beams and a hole for the toilet remained.

To round off the exhausting day, everyone who had come on the visit walked the kilometre from the entrance to the back of the camp where, next to the remains of the six gas chambers, a new memorial stood. It was here, Rabbi Garson made a powerful speech and read prayers before everyone lit a candle in remembrance of the 6 million who died in the Holocaust.

Rabbi Garson said that the last thing people said to each other when they realised they were going to die in the gas chambers was ‘I love you’. It shouldn’t take the fear of death for people to remind their close friends and relatives of this so Rabbi challenged every one of the 200 people on the visit to text a loved one and remind them that they do love them.



I took the long walk back to the bus in silence. Walking through the middle of one of the largest cemeteries in history is eerie to say the least. There was so much suffering in Auschwitz, it’s difficult to picture how some people managed to survive such a place. When I ask myself this question I think of the speech Zigi gave a week earlier. When he explained how he managed to survive, he said it wasn’t through some physical superiority or because he could out-wit anyone else. He says his survival was down to sheer luck.


The only picture I took on 22 October 2015.
This was a visit that I didn’t want to experience through a lens and screen.

Saturday, 22 August 2015

The Camp 2 - Slightly More Camp

Last year it was easy; nobody expected anything of the Summer Camp movie but, somehow, something we managed to splice together from shaky RAW footage actually turned out half decent. I'm told it was informative, intriguing, humorous, poignant and - most importantly - it didn't drag. The final product, received just shy of 400 views on YouTube which is 1/1,358,695th of the estimated views which James Cameron's Titanic got (what experts call the film most similar to 'The Camp 2014').

This year, planning for the sequel started weeks before summer camp when ideas were discussed with the production team at Seniors. Although we seemed to have found a winning formula with the original camp, we needed to make this year's film subtly different so people didn't find it repetitive. We also discussed possible names for the film. Rejected suggestions included '2 Camp' and 'Even More Camp'. In the end it was 'The Camp 2 - Slightly more camp' which stuck .

During Summer Camp the Scout and Seniors took it in turns filming different events. They had the ethos of: if you film someone for long enough, they're bound to do something funny. I also conducted my midweek interviews with Scouts, Seniors, and Rovers which were to be overlaid with the footage of the events to give them some context. By the end of the week, we had just shy of 40GB worth of footage.

Roughly a fortnight after camp, the Seniors, James and Neil met up at the den to begin the colossal job of editing. This took three days in total and involved no story board or formal plan - apart from the one in our head. We skimmed through the footage, inserted the appropriate scenes in an order which seemed to flow, move onto the next sections,  and then come back to it hours later when we'd notice some more useable RAW footage which we missed first time round. Although some may find this method questionable: hopefully it worked - however you can be the judge of that.

Friday, 26 September 2014

What's in my box?



I go camping at least five times every year. Sometimes for just a weekend somewhere local, sometimes for a whole week somewhere many miles away. One thing that I have taken camping with me, every time without fail since 2010, is my box - notoriously known by my friends as 'the-box-of-many-things'.
It is my camping life support machine; without it I would be lost. If it was up to me, it would be mandatory for anyone who goes camping to take a box-of-many-things with them.

I found it in early 2010 when it was going to be thrown away after dozens of years in service as a first aid kit and, like what you may do to a stray dog, I rescued it, took it in and declared it my own.


Essentials
The essential things in the box are torches - I take two so I can see what I am doing when I return to the tent at night, a pocket/pen knife - for cutting sisal after I've tied a knot, sun glasses - on the off chance that there is sunny weather, these can come in very useful, a spare woggle - this is less of a necessity now, however when I was a Scout I was always losing my main one so a spare would always come in handy, and finally, string - not any string though. This string is specifically from your Nana's house. It somehow always comes in handy and only Nanas ever seem to own it.

Enjoyment
Once all of your jobs are out the way it is nice to sit down with mates and have a game of FHM* Top Trumps or another card game. (*Other types of Top Trumps are available.) One of my favorite games which we have started playing this year is 'Cards Against Humanity' (not pictured). If you've never heard of it, you should Google them because it is a great game and has made us laugh until the brink of wetting ourselves.
I also pack chocolate in my box, but any type of sweet will do for when you feel like rewarding yourself.

Documenting
Camp is great. The people who I go camping with are great. That's why I always carry my camera around with me at camp in a pocket. Hilarious things that I want to photograph at camp are often spontaneous so having my camera with me at all times is extremely useful. Earlier this year I discovered that the camera has a front facing screen as well, which is perfect for taking selfies.
I also have a notebook packed in my box so I can write down anything I need to remember about camp for the Scout log or magazine. There is also a pencil case in my box to store the pens and pencils which I might need.

Optional Extras
$wag glasses are paramount for those situations where you think some swaggy banter is needed. Just slip them on and boom... You're now #dench.
For under £3 you can purchase some fairy lights which are perfect for wrapping around tent poles to give your tent a more comfortable and homey atmosphere.



And that concludes the contents of my box; my lifeblood of camps.



Monday, 17 February 2014

The Wyvern Website


Finally, the Wyvern's online presence has migrated from that boring blog of basic content which was a waste of pixels to the sparkly, sexy and brand new Wyvern Website which you can check out for yourself at www.thewyvern.org (because thewyvern.co.uk and thewyvern.com were already taken).

The Wyvern has always been keen to have an website because the internet is everywhere, can provide live updates and it is un-restricting. Yes, we all love 'The Wyvern' newspaper from the bottom of our hearts however we are limited to 8 A4 sheets of paper which can not display videos, sounds or let users have an interactive experience. Also, by the time the newspaper is printed, most of the stories are old news. This isn't just a problem with 'The Wyvern' though, every news publication faces this problem and that is why circulation is decreasing and more people are getting the news via websites.

Anyway, we wanted The Wyvern Website to look fresh, professional yet still be easy to use, and we are all confident that we have achieved that.

The home page (aka the 'Starting Page') is a cycle of beautiful pictures accompanied headlines and captions which display for 6 seconds each before sliding up to reveal another page of content. We like this because it is original, clean and allows viewers of the website to see what is in the news that week and what we think they should have a look at.

The website unfortunately doesn't have a CMS (Content Management System) for journalists to upload articles which means that everything needs to be added manually. On the plus side though, this lets us be more creative with design - like what you can see on this report for the BBC School Report Practise Day.

When setting up the website, the editorial team thought carefully about the categories of news we would cover. We recognise that when people want national news they will go straight to the BBC News website or the Huffington Post website and, to be fair, we knew we couldn't compete with them so we needed a USP (unique selling point). We are a school newspaper - so we decided to embrace that and decide that we would cover school news, local news and sometime national news - as long as it is something which will fascinate our target audience (fellow teenage pupils).

The Wyvern's new website also has a page where readers can read 'The Wyvern' newspaper online and another page where readers can watch all of the videos that we have made over the past couple of years.

The Wyvern takes pride in this website, it hasn't been easy to make but it has been fun and we just hope you enjoy the truly original articles, intriguing interviews and fascinating features that we upload.

www.thewyvern.org